Growing up where abuse is rampant, many who were abused find holidays like Mother’s and Father’s Day very hard. While families are getting together to celebrate and honor their parents and grandparents on the day set aside to do this, those who found themselves trapped in the cycle of abuse, debased by the escalating cycle of negative words and behavior that robbed them of their sense of personal worth, or the ability to change their situation, may struggle as they find themselves caught between honoring the people who did this to them, or dealing with their own condemnation if they don’t play the ‘pretend game’.
For many abused ‘pretending’ was the way they survived. So assuming they can still do this and survive, they return. Once in a while, they find the parent contrite and wanting to make amends. More often than not they leave feeling as if they are still trapped in the abuse for the ‘Committee in their Head’ has new fodder to feed upon. This resurgence to the forefront of all they tried to distance themselves from or deny causes many to feel that a Lobotomy, which in its heyday was often used to correct mental illness, is needed to restore a semblance of normalcy. Once more existing within a trapped mindset, the abused abuses themselves.
There is a better way. A way to be a 'happy you' whether you go or not! A way to make peace with your past and chose, I say “Chose” because it is through the act of choosing that we define ourselves and become. Knowing this, God put Adam and Eve in the garden. He put Adam in charge of everything, told him to eat all he saw, except…and Adam chose. I say "Adam chose" because he was in charge. Adams choice resonates throughout the generations. We live and die while dealing with the fallout of Adams choice as did Eve. I say that about Eve because Adam ‘chose’ to eat the fruit from the "tree of good and evil" that she gave him. Adam chose and since he was in charge, Scripture says that because Adam sinned…
Do we sin when we don’t horror those who dishonored us may be the question you like to ask. Rather than answering that question from my thinker, which doesn’t know squat, let’s focus on the blessing God promised us in Deuteronomy 5:16 where we read, "Honor your father and mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” God gave me this verse while I was trying to figure out what I would do or not do. While having my back adjusted, God was adjusting my ‘tude’! That’s right! I needed an ‘attitude adjustment’, for I had been acting as if I were the only one who’d ever…You can fill in this blank with all the reasons why you won’t or don’t see the one who…
But God knew, and I’m here to tell you what He taught me because if you don’t return and face the one who hurt you, a part of you, perhaps the most important part of you, will always be trapped in that abuse. If, however, you ‘chose’ to go, not out of obligation, or because it’s the ‘lesser of two evils’ but to obtain the blessing that God promised you, which says, “…so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord God is giving you,” I know He will protect you and show you what to do and say.
Choosing to return to the pain is YOUR gain if Messiah is with you. I know. I did this. But before God confronted and sent me back there, I’d had a life changing biblical intervention between God and me. I did personal work in the Scripture, and prayed. While I was doing this, and while I was working with my LAMB Ladies, I had no idea that God had planned all along to tell me to return, but when He did, though fearful, knowing that I now owned my unique personhood, I went. And it "was good". I know it "was good" because God had taught me how to define what "was good" for me. No longer would I let or allow anyone to define or tell me about what "was good" for me! Now owning myself and fully aware of all that means, I look back and realize it was more than ‘good’ it was ‘liberating’! For God and His Word had set me free to become the Real Me!
This can happen to you to…take my hand and I’ll show you how.
If you'd like to begin your recovery as I did,
in How Did We Become Angry? Biblical Recovery for Women Suffering from Trauma & Abuse, I've shared my process and will help you through yours http://amzn.to/1gljnYV
About Paula Rose Michelson