This week we will celebrate
the fourth of July! Families and friends will gather to barbecue watch the fireworks
and in many cases reminisce. This year
like many before the older generation might be heard talking about the way it
was rather than the way it is. Until recently Ron and I tried to think forward because
that’s how life is lived. However, the past the twelve months have caused us to
wish we could return to a time when our nation was not so divided, which lead
me to wonder when that was and why we really were a nation that believed in E pluribus unim Latin for "Out of many one." I remembered George Washington's Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior. The 110 rules young Washington wrote, he kept with him throughout his life and referred to them often as a means of insuring that he would not error.
Today with many issues besting us from within and abroad, I post them here as a reminder that we have overcome many obsolesces and will again if we remember that no one is served and nothing stands the test of time unless founded on sound teaching. Let each of us read these schoolboy notes of Washington's with the awareness that they shaped his life, and can also shape ours, in the hope that selecting those that will help each of us to become a person worthy of our countries freedom and not shirk from the legacy to which each of us was entrusted. (For ease of reading, punctuation and spelling
have been modernized.)
1. Every action done
in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are present.
2. When in company,
put not your hands to any part of the body not usually discovered.
3. Show nothing to
your friend that may affright him.
4. In the presence
of others, sing not to yourself with a humming voice, or drum with your fingers
or feet.
5. If you cough,
sneeze, sigh or yawn, do it not loud but privately, and speak not in your yawning,
but put your handkerchief or hand before your face and turn aside.
6. Sleep not when
others speak, sit not when others stand, speak not when you should hold your
peace, walk not on when others stop.
7. Put not off your
clothes in the presence of others, nor go out of your chamber half dressed.
8. At play and
attire, it's good manners to give place to the last comer, and affect not to
speak louder than ordinary.
9. Spit not into the
fire, nor stoop low before it; neither put your hands into the flames to warm
them, nor set your feet upon the fire, especially if there be meat before it.
10. When you sit
down, keep your feet firm and even, without putting one on the other or
crossing them.
11. Shift not
yourself in the sight of others, nor gnaw your nails.
12. Shake not the
head, feet, or legs; roll not the eyes; lift not one eyebrow higher than the
other, wry not the mouth, and bedew no man's face with your spittle by
approaching too near him when you speak.
13. Kill no vermin,
or fleas, lice, ticks, etc. in the sight of others; if you see any filth or
thick spittle put your foot dexterously upon it; if it be upon the clothes of
your companions, put it off privately, and if it be upon your own clothes,
return thanks to him who puts it off.
14. Turn not your
back to others, especially in speaking; jog not the table or desk on which
another reads or writes; lean not upon anyone.
15. Keep your nails
clean and short, also your hands and teeth clean, yet without showing any great
concern for them.
16. Do not puff up
the cheeks, loll not out the tongue with the hands or beard, thrust out the
lips or bite them, or keep the lips too open or too close.
17. Be no flatterer,
neither play with any that delight not to be played withal.
18. Read no letter,
books, or papers in company, but when there is a necessity for the doing of it,
you must ask leave; come not near the books or writtings of another so as to
read them unless desired, or give your opinion of them unasked. Also look not
nigh when another is writing a letter.
19. Let your
countenance be pleasant but in serious matters somewhat grave.
20. The gestures of
the body must be suited to the discourse you are upon.
21. Reproach none
for the infirmities of nature, nor delight to put them that have in mind of
thereof.
22. Show not
yourself glad at the misfortune of another though he were your enemy.
23. When you see a
crime punished, you may be inwardly pleased; but always show pity to the
suffering offender.
24. Do not laugh too
loud or too much at any public spectacle.
25. Superfluous
compliments and all affectation of ceremonies are to be avoided, yet where due
they are not to be neglected.
26. In putting off
your hat to persons of distinction, as noblemen, justices, churchmen, etc.,
make a reverence, bowing more or less according to the custom of the better
bred, and quality of the persons. Among your equals expect not always that they
should begin with you first, but to pull off the hat when there is no need is
affectation. In the manner of saluting and resaluting in words, keep to the
most usual custom.
27. 'Tis ill manners
to bid one more eminent than yourself be covered, as well as not to do it to
whom it is due. Likewise he that makes too much haste to put on his hat does
not well, yet he ought to put it on at the first, or at most the second time of
being asked. Now what is herein spoken, of qualification in behavior in
saluting, ought also to be observed in taking of place and sitting down, for
ceremonies without bounds are troublesome.
28. If any one come
to speak to you while you are are sitting stand up, though he be your inferior,
and when you present seats, let it be to everyone according to his degree.
29. When you meet
with one of greater quality than yourself, stop and retire, especially if it be
at a door or any straight place, to give way for him to pass.
30. In walking, the
highest place in most countries seems to be on the right hand; therefore, place
yourself on the left of him whom you desire to honor. But if three walk
together the middest place is the most honorable; the wall is usally given to
the most worthy if two walk together.
31. If anyone far
surpasses others, either in age, estate, or merit, yet would give place to a
meaner than himself in his own lodging or elsewhere, the one ought not to except
it. So he on the other part should not use much earnestness nor offer it above
once or twice.
32. To one that is
your equal, or not much inferior, you are to give the chief place in your
lodging, and he to whom it is offered ought at the first to refuse it, but at
the second to accept though not without acknowledging his own unworthiness.
33. They that are in
dignity or in office have in all places precedency, but whilst they are young,
they ought to respect those that are their equals in birth or other qualities,
though they have no public charge.
34. It is good
manners to prefer them to whom we speak before ourselves, especially if they be
above us, with whom in no sort we ought to begin.
35. Let your
discourse with men of business be short and comprehensive.
36. Artificers and
persons of low degree ought not to use many ceremonies to lords or others of
high degree, but respect and highly honor then, and those of high degree ought
to treat them with affability and courtesy, without arrogance.
37. In speaking to
men of quality do not lean nor look them full in the face, nor approach too
near them at left. Keep a full pace from them.
38. In visiting the
sick, do not presently play the physician if you be not knowing therein.
39. In writing or
speaking, give to every person his due title according to his degree and the
custom of the place.
40. Strive not with
your superior in argument, but always submit your judgment to others with
modesty.
41. Undertake not to
teach your equal in the art himself professes; it savors of arrogancy.
42. Let your
ceremonies in courtesy be proper to the dignity of his place with whom you
converse, for it is absurd to act the same with a clown and a prince.
43. Do not express
joy before one sick in pain, for that contrary passion will aggravate his
misery.
44. When a man does
all he can, though it succeed not well, blame not him that did it.
45. Being to advise
or reprehend any one, consider whether it ought to be in public or in private,
and presently or at some other time; in what terms to do it; and in reproving
show no signs of cholor but do it with all sweetness and mildness.
46. Take all
admonitions thankfully in what time or place soever given, but afterwards not
being culpable take a time and place convenient to let him know it that gave
them.
47. Mock not nor
jest at any thing of importance. Break no jests that are sharp, biting, and if
you deliver any thing witty and pleasant, abstain from laughing thereat
yourself.
48. Wherein you
reprove another be unblameable yourself, for example is more prevalent than
precepts.
49. Use no
reproachful language against any one; neither curse nor revile.
50. Be not hasty to
believe flying reports to the disparagement of any.
51. Wear not your
clothes foul, or ripped, or dusty, but see they be brushed once every day at
least and take heed that you approach not to any uncleaness.
52. In your apparel
be modest and endeavor to accommodate nature, rather than to procure
admiration; keep to the fashion of your equals, such as are civil and orderly
with respect to time and places.
53. Run not in the
streets, neither go too slowly, nor with mouth open; go not shaking of arms,
nor upon the toes, kick not the earth with your feet, go not upon the toes, nor
in a dancing fashion.
54. Play not the
peacock, looking every where about you, to see if you be well decked, if your
shoes fit well, if your stockings sit neatly and clothes handsomely.
55. Eat not in the
streets, nor in the house, out of season.
56. Associate
yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for 'tis
better to be alone than in bad company.
57. In walking up
and down in a house, only with one in company if he be greater than yourself,
at the first give him the right hand and stop not till he does and be not the
first that turns, and when you do turn let it be with your face towards him; if
he be a man of great quality walk not with him cheek by jowl but somewhat
behind him, but yet in such a manner that he may easily speak to you.
58. Let your
conversation be without malice or envy, for 'tis a sign of a tractable and
commendable nature, and in all causes of passion permit reason to govern.
59. Never express
anything unbecoming, nor act against the rules moral before your inferiors.
60. Be not immodest
in urging your friends to discover a secret.
61. Utter not base
and frivolous things among grave and learned men, nor very difficult questions
or subjects among the ignorant, or things hard to be believed; stuff not your
discourse with sentences among your betters nor equals.
62. Speak not of
doleful things in a time of mirth or at the table; speak not of melancholy
things as death and wounds, and if others mention them, change if you can the
discourse. Tell not your dreams, but to your intimate friend.
63. A man ought not
to value himself of his achievements or rare qualities of wit; much less of his
riches, virtue or kindred.
64. Break not a jest
where none take pleasure in mirth; laugh not aloud, nor at all without
occasion; deride no man's misfortune though there seem to be some cause.
65. Speak not
injurious words neither in jest nor earnest; scoff at none although they give
occasion.
66. Be not froward
but friendly and courteous, the first to salute, hear and answer; and be not
pensive when it's a time to converse.
67. Detract not from
others, neither be excessive in commanding.
68. Go not thither,
where you know not whether you shall be welcome or not; give not advice without
being asked, and when desired do it briefly.
69. If two contend
together take not the part of either unconstrained, and be not obstinate in
your own opinion. In things indifferent be of the major side.
70. Reprehend not
the imperfections of others, for that belongs to parents, masters and
superiors.
71. Gaze not on the
marks or blemishes of others and ask not how they came. What you may speak in
secret to your friend, deliver not before others.
72. Speak not in an
unknown tongue in company but in your own language and that as those of quality
do and not as the vulgar. Sublime matters treat seriously.
73. Think before you
speak, pronounce not imperfectly, nor bring out your words too hastily, but
orderly and distinctly.
74. When another
speaks, be attentive yourself and disturb not the audience. If any hesitate in
his words, help him not nor prompt him without desired. Interrupt him not, nor
answer him till his speech be ended.
75. In the midst of
discourse ask not of what one treats, but if you perceive any stop because of
your coming, you may well entreat him gently to proceed. If a person of quality
comes in while you're conversing, it's handsome to repeat what was said before.
76. While you are
talking, point not with your finger at him of whom you discourse, nor approach
too near him to whom you talk, especially to his face.
77. Treat with men
at fit times about business and whisper not in the company of others.
78. Make no
comparisons and if any of the company be commended for any brave act of virtue,
commend not another for the same.
79. Be not apt to
relate news if you know not the truth thereof. In discoursing of things you
have heard, name not your author. Always a secret discover not.
80. Be not tedious
in discourse or in reading unless you find the company pleased therewith.
81. Be not curious
to know the affairs of others, neither approach those that speak in private.
82. Undertake not
what you cannot perform but be careful to keep your promise.
83. When you deliver
a matter do it without passion and with discretion, however mean the person be
you do it to.
84. When your
superiors talk to anybody hearken not, neither speak nor laugh.
85. In company of
those of higher quality than yourself, speak not 'til you are asked a question,
then stand upright, put off your hat and answer in few words.
86. In disputes, be
not so desirous to overcome as not to give liberty to each one to deliver his
opinion and submit to the judgment of the major part, especially if they are
judges of the dispute.
87. Let your
carriage be such as becomes a man grave, settled and attentive to that which is
spoken. Contradict not at every turn what others say.
88. Be not tedious
in discourse, make not many digressions, nor repeat often the same manner of
discourse.
89. Speak not evil
of the absent, for it is unjust.
90. Being set at
meat scratch not, neither spit, cough or blow your nose except there's a
necessity for it.
91. Make no show of
taking great delight in your victuals. Feed not with greediness. Eat your bread
with a knife. Lean not on the table, neither find fault with what you eat.
92. Take no salt or
cut bread with your knife greasy.
93. Entertaining
anyone at table it is decent to present him with meat. Undertake not to help
others undesired by the master.
94. If you soak
bread in the sauce, let it be no more than what you put in your mouth at a
time, and blow not your broth at table but stay 'til it cools of itself.
95. Put not your
meat to your mouth with your knife in your hand; neither spit forth the stones
of any fruit pie upon a dish nor cast anything under the table.
96. It's unbecoming
to heap much to one's mea. Keep your fingers clean and when foul wipe them on a
corner of your table napkin.
97. Put not another
bite into your mouth 'til the former be swallowed. Let not your morsels be too
big for the jowls.
98. Drink not nor
talk with your mouth full; neither gaze about you while you are drinking.
99. Drink not too
leisurely nor yet too hastily. Before and after drinking wipe your lips.
Breathe not then or ever with too great a noise, for it is uncivil.
100. Cleanse not
your teeth with the tablecloth, napkin, fork or knife, but if others do it, let
it be done with a pick tooth.
101. Rinse not your
mouth in the presence of others.
102. It is out of
use to call upon the company often to eat. Nor need you drink to others every
time you drink.
103. In company of your
betters be not longer in eating than they are. Lay not your arm but only your
hand upon the table.
104. It belongs to
the chiefest in company to unfold his napkin and fall to meat first. But he
ought then to begin in time and to dispatch with dexterity that the slowest may
have time allowed him.
105. Be not angry at
table whatever happens and if you have reason to be so, show it not but on a
cheerful countenance especially if there be strangers, for good humor makes one
dish of meat a feast.
106. Set not
yourself at the upper of the table but if it be your due, or that the master of
the house will have it so. Contend not, lest you should trouble the company.
107. If others talk
at table be attentive, but talk not with meat in your mouth.
108. When you speak
of God or His attributes, let it be seriously and with reverence. Honor and
obey your natural parents although they be poor.
109. Let your
recreations be manful not sinful.
110. Labor to keep
alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.
